Dateline: Oz

Slug: Tinman axed. Frustrated Scarecrow declares,’This is the last straw!’

In another cost-cutting move, the Lollipop Guild today announced another round of layoffs in the Emerald City. Since the abrupt departure of a mysterious young woman known only as ‘Dorothy,’ the cost of living has increased to intolerable levels.

First it was the burden placed on Public Works for removal of residential debris discarded on city property. Dorothy is the primary suspect in the littering. City Hall has no record of a demolition permit being filed, and the origins of the material is not known, although it is believed to have been brought in from elsewhere. Cleanup crews discovered documents labelled ‘Kansas’ but authorities were not immediately able to link them to any known location in Oz or surrounding terrritories.

Next, the local police department was forced to allow considerable overtime pay for investigation of a body found beneath the rubble.

Once considered a symbol of civic pride, the former Yellow Brick Road has fallen into disrepair. The cost of litigation vs. Elton John et al. was just more than the annual budget was able to support and maintenance had to be severely curtained.

A rash of vandalism, including apple thefts from local orchards and poppy field trampling and disfigured with crop circles, has further added to the decline in residential property values which began shortly after a cowardly lion took up residence and began terrorizing local Munchkins.

Environmental activist successfully sued Tinman Enterprises, Llc. to end the release of quantities of petroleum products whenever it rained, citing repeated fouling of streams and lakes by runoff from ther lumber mill operation.

The scandal that enveloped the Emerald City Wizard, following the alleged arson which started in a small booth on the first floor and quickly spread up non-flame retardant curtain materials has yet to be resolved. Considerable expense was incurred by the ECFD in fighting the resulting multi-alarm blaze, which left dozens of Munchkins homeless.

The Wizard’s sudden swift departure in a hot air balloon has made finding and extraditing him for trial an uncertainty. This also compounded the city’s financial crisis with the cost of air and ground searches. As of this date, there has been no trace of the balloon or it’s passenger although small fragments of what appears to be parachute cloth have been recovered.

In a last-ditch effort to forestall bankrupcty proceedings, all acreage within the incorporated limits of Emerald City have been liquidated, and acquired by Disney Entertainment Group. Regrettably, all residents of the city have been served their eminent domain notices as of December 1st, 2009 with 30 days to vacate.

Relocation services are being developed to accommodate all residents who wish to make use of them. Early reports have part-time advertising opportunities with Kellog’s for at most 3 individuals. Interested applicants should specify whether they are primarily interested in ‘Snap,’ ‘Crackle,’ or ‘Pop’ and give their two alternates in order of preference. More offerings are anticipated, however staff has been overwhelmed with numerous dwarf-tossing postings which has caused considerable waste of staff time writing and sending rejection letters to submittors.

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