With thanks (and apologies) to Abbott and Costello:
Barack Obama: Gentleman, he called me a Gentleman, thank you. Those are first kind words I’ve heard in years. You know I haven’t always been a derelict like you!
Lou: Hey now don’t call me those kind of bad names!
Barack Obama: Would you like to hear my story?
Barack Obama: Very well then I’ll tell it to you.
Lou: I said that I didn’t….Well very well I insist go ahead.
Bud: Go ahead.
Barack Obama: Thank you. Years ago my father gave me the benefit of a very good education. Then I met her. Oh my memory of her, she was beautiful! Glorious! We were married, two years later we had a baby boy. I haven’t seen that boy since that very day.
Lou: Did you say a baby boy?
Barack Obama: Yes he did!
Lou: Did he have brown eyes?
Barack Obama: Yes!!
Lou: And two little teeth in front?
Barack Obama: Yes! Yes!!
Lou: And black hair?
Barack Obama: Yes!!!!!!
Bud: What’s a matter with you? Sit still, keep quiet, stop interrupting the man.
Lou: I thought I found my father!
Bud: Quiet, go right ahead.
Barack Obama: Thank You sir. We were very happy, my little family. One morning we were seated around the breakfast table and a knock came at the door. I opened the door and there stood a man. He was broken in health and spirit. I begged him to enter. I welcomed him into my home and said “make my home your home”, and he did. One day I returned from work to find my home was no longer a home, my wife, the baby and the stranger had fled. Then one day, at the rollout of OBAMACARE, I found them. Suddenly my brain snapped, all the hatred, all the pent-up emotion of years suffering swelled up within me. I knew I would never be satisfied until I had my boney fingers wrapped around his throat. So with murder in my heart, SLOWLY I TURNED, STEP BY STEP, STEP BY STEP, I CREPT UPON HIM AND WHEN I SAW THE SNEER ON HIS FACE, I STRUCK, AND I GRABBED HIM AND I SHOOK HIM AROUND. That’s what I did with him.
Bud: What’s a matter with you? Why are you interrupting him?
Barack Obama: My poor friend, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.
Barack Obama: But every time I hear that word, OBAMACARE!, I just want to kill!!!!
Lou: Take it easy pal, take it easy!!
Bud: Every time he hears that word OBAMACARE………
Barack Obama: OBAMACARE! Oh I knew I’d never be satisfied until I had his blood running between my fingers. So, SLOWLY I TURNED, STEP BY STEP, STEP BY STEP, I CREPT UPON HIM AND WHEN I SAW THE SMIRK OF HIS CONTENANCE, I GRABBED HIM. I LET HIM HAVE IT AGAIN, I COULDNT HELP MYSELF, I WAS GOING OUT OF MY MIND.
Bud: Stand still! What’s a matter with you? The man’s telling you his life history. It’s interesting.
Barack Obama: Poor thing. I did it again didn’t I?
Bud: That’s all right.
Barack Obama: What’s happening to me?
Lou: It’s not happening to you Brother! It’s all happening over here.
Bud: Don’t use that word! eh Heal……
Lou: Don’t, don’t, don’t say it! He means Affordable Healthcare.
Barack Obama: OBAM….
Bud: That’s right.
Lou: Sounds like Obamacare.
Barack Obama: OBAMACARE!!! SO, SLOWLY I TURNED……….
Lou: Here we go again!!!
Barack Obama: STEP BY STEP, I CREPT CLOSER AND CLOSER AND WHEN I FELT HIS BREATH ON MY TEETH, I GRABBED HIM ONCE AGAIN….(ranting)
Bud: Just a minute, now you’ve been getting away with murder. Enough is enough, you understand that! I’ve stood by and watch all this and I’ve let you get away with it. But no more.
Harry: Come on Lou get up.
Lou: Oh, its no use Harry Reid, he’ll only knock me down again.
Bud: These things cost money, be careful how you handle them. Go over there and sit down. Relax. You can’t buy those hats today!
Rahm Emmanuel: Pssst, quiet the guard will hear you.
Lou: What do you want?
Rahm Emmanuel: The blond girl, Sebilius, I have use for her.
Lou: You know the guy who comes to the cabaret every night, he says he has a use for you.
Harry Reid: Well tell him I have no use for him.
Lou: Yes Ma’am.
Lou: She says she has no use for you, now, what’s your comeback.
Bud: Come here, maybe he can get you out of here!
Harry Reid: I certainly wouldn’t leave without the both of you.
Lou: Oh Harry Reid, you got to go, you and Bud. I got you both into this trouble. I’ll stay here and face it like a man.
Harry Reid: I’ll go on just one condition, Rhambo gets the three of us out of here.
Bud: Go tell him.
Lou: Ok, Harry Reid wants to know “What’s Cookin?”
Rahm Emmanuel: I wish to help her escape. Tell her I will get her out of here and out of this evil country. If in return she will agree to help me.
Lou: You have to take the three us out of this evil country.
Rahm Emmanuel: That will be satisfactory. I do not have time to explain further, here take this and use it to escape the cell.
Lou: Use this to escape? What do you want me to do, eat my way out?
Rahm Emmanuel: The dumbest man I ever saw!!!!!!
Bud: It’s in the bread, you know you saw the bars .
Lou: I’m on top of them, I got to see them, I’m not blind!
Rahm Emmanuel: I cannot remain any longer, use the saw to escape, I’ll be ready to take you away. Before the sun rises we’ll be safe at my desert camp.
Lou: Where’s that?
Rahm Emmanuel: On the banks of Lake Michigan, with Obamacare.
Barack Obama: OBAMACARE!!!!!!!!!!
Lou: EVERYBODY RUN TO THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barack Obama: SLOWLY I TURNED, STEP BY STEP……………………………………………………
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